Starting Over

I started this blog when I was preparing to move to Texas, hence the name. It was my starting over point or so I thought. Now I find myself starting over again with many, many lessons learned and a whole lot of advice for anyone who thinks they've found love again after a divorce.

I am not going to share every bit of my life with you, but I am going to take you through my daily struggles. Where I've been and where I'm going. How much I have grown up in the past two years and mistakes I've made and seem to still be making along the way.

First off, starting over is not all it's cracked up to be. I am not exactly happy with how the last two years of my life went and I am still reeling in the problems I incurred during that time. I am paying off debt for stuff that I don't even use...my name is on a house in another part of the country and until my name comes off that house, I cannot move out on my own because the minute someone does a credit check the rest would be history. So, I am forced to live with my parents whom I truly love, but not enough to live with everyday. My dad has made it his personal vendetta of sorts to see that I pay off all my bills immediately...unfortunately, if I do not receive some kind of a God-given windfall, it will literally take me years to get out from under this mess, but I'm okay with that. It's not where I really saw myself to be at this time in my life, but it's MY mess and I will deal with it. However, my mom and I got into it over a Coach purse last night because she said if my dad found out he would think I wasn't paying on my bills. I bought the purse with money I set aside for it. It's my money. I pay my bills and I pay more than the minimum that is due. I am responsible. I was raised that way. AND I am NOT a kid, but I am their kid, their only kid whom they don't want to see fail...it's just a tough situation..so, I await the phone call for the day my name is off that mortgage...I think I'm gonna throw a party that day!

And, just when I think things are getting better because my friend Rhon has decided to introduce me to someone at his church...I blow it. I am stupid sometimes. I had to apologize to a man I have never even met yet because I was having a week of need. I suffer from a lack of adult conversation and I don't even have any kids! And to make matters even better, I actually get to meet this man on Sunday....could I make it any more AWKWARD? Geez, I'm really immature sometimes. Like this guy would even give me the time of day now...oh well, life is what you make of it...and I really made a mess of this.

Of course, I guess I don't really give myself much credit for anything good anymore and that's not because of my lack of devotion to making my life better...this week being a prime example. I was going along well in the walk of life and then BAM! I went weird. The woman was once again reduced to a girl. Amazing!

If I would just let go and let God I would be so much better off, but I try to take the reigns and it all falls apart. I am really ready for a good relationship. Some would argue that I just left a relationship within the last two months, how could I possibly be ready for another one...well, I really stepped out of that relationship a LONG time before I actually left. I am a good, Godly person who deserves a good, Godly man. I have worked hard to keep my life up to par and what do I have to show for it? I feel like Job...I am lonely. I would love to have some friends my age, but I really only have about three...and only one that lives close enough to do anything with.

I may be living in fantasy land, but I want a man that when I look into his eyes, I know he loves me...no matter what. I think I would really do good with a man that is a little older than me...someone who challenges me and holds up his end of the deal. Someone who makes me laugh. Someone who is my natural fit. I don't want to be lonely. It's no fun!

I have been taking GREAT strides to improve my life since I moved back. For any of you who haven't been part of my blog life before, you may want to do a little review and see that the past two years have been tough on my body. Surgeries, circulation problems, sleep issues, broken bones...it's been interesting, but I am determined to overcome it all. I've started eating better, and taking the stairs at work. I just signed up for church softball. I can't belive that either...Plus, I am going to join the local gym because I need to keep my circulation going and an elliptical machine needs to be my new best friend. Not to mention I've agreed to try kayaking with Tara & Daniel in April. And Tara has challenged me to wakeboarding this summer...so, I've got reasons to get in shape! I need to lose about 50 pounds to be able to do things easier and losing 75 would put me back at high school graduation weight! Whoo-hoo!

Okay enough about my life for now...I'll be back!